The Doctrine of Parking

My best friend wrote this article: The Doctrine of Parking from Evan VanOrman November 21, 2004 Dear Editor, Interested in free parking anyone? Well... it's easy! Just stroll on over to the LDS Institute of Religion and sign up for an institute class and don't forget to obtain your Institute Parking Pass! This handy pass will allow you to park with all those other "Molly Mormons" and "Peter Priesthoods" in their elitist lot. UVSC paid to build an underground tunnel just for these people, so they can run over to their spiritual superiority classes without bringing traffic to a standstill. But wait! You can also just walk across the street and head straight over to UVSC! That's right. Just because you signed up for a daytime class at the Institute of Religion, you won't have to be a chump and pay $60 for parking. What a great deal! Don't mind those pesky cars in the roadway, if they don't stop it'll be blood on their hands. You're in a hurry for crying out loud! What's that? You don't want to take any more classes? Ah come on! This isn't BYU! According to lds.org/institutes , "A student can do as much reading and research of gospel topics as he or she wishes and has time for... The Institute offers grading / credit options to fit the circumstance of each student." These classes aren't hard. Not LDS? No problemo! There is nothing wrong with taking a little afternoon nap in Brother Superrighteous's class. Just be sure to get on the roll 75% of the time - otherwise your free parking is history. Besides, Members LOVE having "Non-Members" in class! (Just keep your mouth shut and nod... yes... that's it... you'll do great.) I can't imagine a better use of the tithes of the Lord's church than having the Institute providing parking in exchange for attendance. I mean, get real! Who would, in their right mind, wish to attend religion classes unless there's some sort of reward? Sign up today and take advantage of a host of other benefits to attending Institute such as getting your picture taken for the "Meat Market Menu" and joining in for a Munch & "Mingle." Who knows, maybe you'll meet your eternal companion! -Evan VanOrman Wow!! I am impressed with this article and I believe he made a lot of valid points!