muah!

"Last night, me finish loco!"

look look look

Ohh? He's got a blog, too!

rockin' and rulin'

remember him?

That kooky dude on "The Andy Griffith Show" as Barney Fife? What about that cranky neighbor/landlord in "Three's Company"? Well, that's Don Knotts. He just passed away 4 days ago. Growing up, I remember him in many Disney shows and movies, especially in "The Apple Dumpling Gang". He was a funny guy to watch. May he rest in peace!


Jesse Donald Knotts
July 21, 1924 - February 24, 2006

community view

It used to be called, "Sign Out".. Now, it is called, "Community View", which is a local weekly news show for the Deaf Arizonans. I think "Sign Out" is a catchier title. Anyway, you can view the previous "Community View" videos online! Simply look for the list of months and click the title of the show you want to view.

Enjoy!

quiz plug - What Language Should You Learn?

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs. You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

What Language Should You Learn?

are you cheap?

Find your local cheap gas here !

bed and bathroom

I want these bed covers and bathroom curtains with sandstone dishes.

Matsuri Festival

www.houserice.com -*- The magic sculptor shan ichiyanagi -*- thebackyardpond.com -*- Az origami society -*- Freshfruits phaidon takata -*- Daruma airlines -*- www.metro-arts.org -*- will post more from fliers and business cards

a quote of mine

"If you say that God told you to hate, then why did He tell us to love?"

       - Deaf258

Ubuntu Linux OS

As soon as I get my PC up and cleaned out, I am going to convert it to Ubuntu Linux OS!

Read more at www.ubuntu.com !

Sequel to "Dark Crystal" announced.

Check it out: POWER OF THE DARK CRYSTAL

*gasp* I can't breathe! I'm holding my breath already!

I can't wait for this movie!!

*hat tip to Evan for this link!*

Another link:

An older Kira from the original Dark Crystal.

*hat tip to Banjo for this link!*

address book client

This seems to be a nifty address book program that is flexible with various email clients.

" Open Contacts is an address book with CRM features providing unified, flexible and intuitive interfaces for you to manage and lookup contact info of people and companies. Finding people in the same organization is easy with dynamic links between people and companies. Open Contacts is very open to your needs of storing contact info of different kinds, since you meet different people with different levels of details. Open Contacts shows only info you inputted. You can seamlessly customize what can be stored in your address book. New ways of communication will be invented in the future. Version 2.9 may include unspecified updates, enhancements, or bug fixes. "

Read more at www.fonlow.com/opencont...

crab theory

Some people need to grow the fuck up!

quiz plug - What is your secret kink?

*gasp!*

This is *SO* wrong!


You like to play dress up. How cute :D

What is your secret kink?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Muppet Personality Test

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

You Are a Fruitcake!

You taste like nothing else in this world. And get ready, you're about to get tossed!

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

the cyborg name decoder

a discovery

Last night, I didn't know my health has a price tag.

What Candy?

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

LED Throwies

FAR OUT! I'd make some of these LED Throwies!

a tattoo?!?

Sidekick One as a tattoo?!? Even though I have 2 tattoos, this is unique and creative, but I don't think I can actually do something like that! Geez!

new vrs?

I'm gonna have to install this on my Mac and see if it works. SightSpeed's Register & Download page.

UPDATE: Eh! Forget it. While they offer free webcams to PC users, they don't offer webcams for Mac users.

a quote

"If we teamed up to write a research paper on procrastination, we would procrastinate that as well anyway." - VeeKoz

I see you, ASU!

I know the picture isn't good, but I just arrived in Phoenix, Arizona. I could see ASU's stadium from the airplane.

*sigh* Back to busy life again.

an open captioned movie and a sandwich

Neal, Hilary and I went to see an open captioned movie in Silver Spring, MD. We saw Brokeback Mountain. It was pretty good! But there was 2 short scenes that was so gruesome because it involved violence upon others because the general people wouldn't accept the differences. And I really cringe everytime at the idea and/or images of someone getting brutally murdered or tortured. I also read the short story novel. I think it kind of ruined the movie experience for me because the book was better!

I finally got to meet and chat briefly with the famed Lunz! He seems to be really cool and fun guy to hang with! I also got to meet David Spillers for the first time in person. Also, I met a couple of ladies from Arizona. If I see them again, I'll be sure to chat with them and discuss about the movie. There were SO many people, the movie was sold out. Yeah, some Deaf peeps had to be turned away because the movie theater was full. Neal, Hilary and I were lucky and smart to purchase the tickets a day before we went to the movies. I dunno what Neal or Larry were thinking when I said so many Hello's to various people in MD. Heh!

Speaking of the fabulous Larry, I was able to greet and meet with him and his dear partner, KT, at the movie. It was always pleasant and so good to see them everytime we chat or visit! :-D We all went to Potbelly near the movies for dinner afterwards. Potbelly's a great sandwich place! The price isn't too bad and the location is convenient. I took a picture of Larry, KT and Neal, then had Neal take a pic of me and Larry. Hilary wasn't in the pics because she went to Borders. I figured she is some kind of a bookworm. ;) I took a pic of an empty chair next to me to email to Ridor, making a point, "Where is your %#$@ing ass?!?" :-P

He replied. I was disappointed to learn that Ridor couldn't go because he got toasty nuts and lungs full of snot. It's too bad he is sick, but this is the second time I got close enough to give us a chance to meet and chat! Hey, Ridor! Maybe the third time's the charm??

Hmm, I was sad to leave Baltimore tonight. I can't wait to move to MD for the summer! I seriously need time for myself and heal some more. Being so damn busy in Phoenix, Arizona, I have been badly neglecting myself, my mental and physical health. A break from Phoenix may be the medicine I need!

Take Off!

Here I come, Phoenix!

got nuts?

Now, your neutered pets can get them!!!

movie reviews

I realize that I need a laptop more than ever. Why? So I can update my blog when I need to on-the-go. It's nice to have my Sidekick II for this reason, but I need a bigger keyboard than dealing with this tiny, qwerty key pad!

Anyway, I need to update the DVD reviews that I have been trying to do. I'll have to dig up all of the old posts about movies and DVDs, move them all to one post or another section on my website, and try to do better to rate and review each movie I watch. I'll use my rental history on Blockbuster Online to make sure I've got them updated. I need to remind myself to ask Blockbuster to integrate part of their members' rating and reviews into the members' popular blogs' APIs such as Blogger, LiveJournal and Xanga. If I have to get out a petition to make this happen, I'll do it. I think this will boost more online revenue for Blockbuster if they tap into the world of blogging!

Added titles to review:

Akira's Dreams

2046

Kung Fu Hustle

Wishing Stairs

The Eye 2

Brokeback Mountain

my skeleton in the confessional booth

For a long time, I have been meaning to write this blog entry... This one has been sitting in my draft folder the longest than all of my posts. So, here goes..

I am suicidal. Yup. Not many people know this. For quite some time, I have been less open and careful of what I say about my personal issues online. There is always that occassional cruel, beady-eyed bitch or bastard who would jump at the opportunity to grab other people's information for personal gain and satisfaction. I have had my share of those trash-talking people who read my blog and use it against me at home and on the professional field. I am prepared to deal with this here and now. Once it is out in the open, my personal information wouldn't hurt me anymore.

I've learned so much from various people in the past couple of years. I am thankful mostly to Frogotopia, along with VeeKoz, for being the most honest, observant and blunt friends I could ask for! :)

It's true, I am suicidal. But, from what some beady-eyed people think and claim that I spontaneously use "I am suicidal!" to manipulate people, they're wrong! I started thinking about hurting myself since I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was rarely happy. Don't get me wrong, please understand that I am not complaining in any way at all. I am saying this is as a matter of fact and how it was with me growing up as a child. There are so many reasons and causes to why I am suicidal. I've lost a lot of support from my Mormon church because they didn't like how "gay" I was or how angry I was with my parents and God.

Back to square one, I was molested by a male, Mormon, Native American Indian babysitter when I was 3 years old, of course, my parents didn't protect me when I needed it. That experience with the Indian started my infatuation with penises. Can you say, "Yay, Penis!"?!

By the time I became 8 years old, I realized what happened to me at 3 years old was sick and wrong. I remembered I tried telling my dad about it when I was 3 years old, but he dismissed me. When I started realizing this, I became unhappy, moody and withdrawn with my family, especially my parents.

At 14 years old and a Freshman in high school, my parents caught me masturbating in my bedroom. Yeah, I was beating off like a pesky lil' rabbit. My parents were so angry and hateful about it. They bible-thumped me in the face. I counter-attacked them with the fact I was molested and they did nothing to protect me. Mom was shocked and didn't know what to say. My dad yelled back that what I was saying was only bullshit created just to make them feel bad. Did I make this up? As a 3 year old kid, did I have the X-rated imagination to say I held and stroked a man's fat cock until he ran to the bathroom to ejaculate into the toilet? Of course, my parents didn't want to hear it or deal with this and said it was my problem to deal with. That's when I started hating God, His scriptures, and hating Him for giving me such ignorant, lazy, mean parents!

Every day and every night, it was a battle of emotional survival at home, being an angry, physical teenager who is Deaf and oral in a hearing family where everyone wouldn't bother communicating. I grew to be unhappy around them and frequently got impatient. They do not understand the joy I felt and how thrilled I was when I found out 2 family members learned some ASL. My sister took ASL in college and my brother married a wife who also knew some ASL. Those 2 sisters do try to sign whenever they can when I am around, but it's too bad they don't practice ASL anymore and their ASL skills are fading fast.

Because of the fights between me and my dad, and sometimes the anger and fights bleed out and affect the relationship between myself and my siblings, I was constantly told by my mother that I was a sick, evil, teenage boy who needs to see a shrink to get better. Ain't that the love, huh? Well, after I moved out, my parents' needling, belittling and nagging shifted from me to my younger sister. Boy, I did feel bad for her! Years and years later, I found out many more details and things about my siblings to learn we all are certified, total fuck-ups, parents included! At that point, I started to feel better and be less angry with my siblings. I don't know about mom and dad, but I do know my brothers, sisters, and I are trying our best to cope, recover and/or heal.

More than 15 years after I was molested, I learned from my mom that my dad bumped into that Indian Mormon at a local church building. I asked mom if dad had confronted the Indian for what he did to me. Mom gasped and said that she nor my dad would never approach that subject with the Indian. WTF?!

Due to being a Deaf student going through kindergarten to 12th grade in an oral school, I was constantly bullied and picked on by other classmates, of course, my parents didn't give a flying fuck how the kids treated me. Double-Fuck Valentine's Day. Why? It was a result from a cruel prank the 8th grade student body pulled on me. I knew they nominated and voted for me as a Valentine's King because my great uncle was the former Governor of Arizona. Right after I got the crown, the students laughed and sang "Recall! Recall! Recall the King!" Who forced me to go to the Valentine's Dance even though I knew what would happen? My parents, of course! Those experiences taught me to try to be a good friend on neutral terms, of course, that made me a social outcast and, as some people claim, a Devil's Advocate.

While I am a Mormon and believe in most of the gospel values, I'm forced to decide between Life and Death. If I choose Life, to live more peacefully as a Deaf gay man and leave the church, then I am committing a sin. If I choose Death, by killing myself so that I can stop being gay and make my parents happy, then I am still committing a sin. Which is the lesser sin?

With all the struggles I've went through, I've developed a serious, chronic form of depression, of course, I still have depression and I am trying to deal with it the best way I can. I know there's more to say, but I am trying to let this go. It's been easier to let things go now than in the past. Ever since I've decided to choose to live, I gained a good amount of peace and some happiness. I feel that I got the most important keypoints down. However, one thing you shouldn't assume, as though I was very angry and upset with my parents, I still love them very much. Things got a little better between us, but I think the problem was never, ever solved. My closest sibling, my sister, Alison, offered the idea to all of us that we go to Utah for a few sessions as a family with therapists, counselors and psychologists. Surprisingly, my mom agreed to it! I am waiting for the day that happens when we all dish it out on the table!

So, yes, I'm suicidal.. I've tried more than several times. I've overdosed once before. I've tried to take a knife to my wrist. My last attempt was back in between Summer and Fall of 2004. I still have those thoughts of hurting myself, but they aren't as strong or as bad as before. I've been trying to surround myself with positive, loving people. I've been going to exercising classes and fitness centers to help curb my bouts with depression. I've lost some weight and built a little muscle, and I feel great about it! Whenever someone says, "Philip is a fattie!", I just smile and remind myself what weight I used to be. And those words no longer have the power to hurt. I've been busy with constructive projects which has me busy as a crazy bumblebee. Whew, I am learning how to treat and love myself better, how to let go and move on. I've got someone who loves me regardless the flaws I have. I would say that my life is looking better and has more meaning. I still will always deal with my suicidal tendencies and my anger. I am still learning how to channel the anger for positive ways. I know many friends would be surprised if I was angry inside because I don't appear to be hot-tempered. See? That's proof I've learned to be better from other people's and my past mistakes!

So, to all the beady-eyed vultures who are reading this, you no longer have the power to hurt me. You need to get a life. And we all know that you lack real friends. Why? Because of the way you pick and obsess on the negatives, while you neglect and ignore the positives. Real friends never pick on the negatives. If they do, then that also makes them one of you, the beady-eyed vultures of the internet! Remember this sad truth, like real vultures, they just might turn on you one day soon when you slip up and make a mistake. You will immediately KNOW you are SO fucked with no one to help you!

And, to the Mormons, friend or foe, who are reading this and saying I am very wrong for typing the things above and explaining the choices I made, I have 2 words for you -

FUCK OFF.

You do not have the right to judge me, even if you're my parents, the Bishop, the Stake President or the Prophet. A Mormon did this to me. And my Mormon parents did nothing about it. I don't have to answer to you for the choices I make, and I believe I do not deserve your judgements and punishments, either! If you want blood for this, go ask my parents or, better yet, ask THAT Indian who stuffed his cock in my face! I will only answer to God, and God alone!

www.one.org

Another post in the draft folder that I gotta dish out.

I want you to take a look at http://www.one.org and think about it. When I got my white wristbands from One.org and put one on, my dad went, "Oh, so you're supporting gays with AIDS?" It suddenly hit me. I threw a bitchfit because that was such a narrowminded thing to say! I never expected to see my parents, especially my dad, hit a new low.

What the fuck?! One.org is about educating people about AIDS and poverty.

catching up..

I'm catching up on my blog posts I have saved in my draft folder for the past 6 months!

It's Spring Cleaning Time for my blog entries! ;)

yesterday..

Someone complimented me with "You're much cuter in person!"

I haven't heard a good compliment in a long while! It was refreshing to hear that this past weekend!

Adios, Baltimore!

I saw the opportunity to get something that I can remember Baltimore, MD. Southwest had a table out with credit card applications to get frequent shopper/flyer miles. A free t-shirt if I sign-up for a card!

Here's the pic!

73-year marriage shows what is love

73-year marriage shows what is love Thanks to Toby for this link!

multi-posting?

If you notice I've been multi-posting, it is because I don't have access to a computer at the moment. Most of the time, I am posting to my blog via my Sidekick II. For some reason, go@blogger.com wouldn't accept my posts attached with photos. If that happens again, please bear with me until I fix it as soon as I can!

Thanks for your patience! :)

Results - What Color Sharpie Are You? (25 different colors) Updated! - Quizilla Quizzes

Black Sharpie
"Darkness falls."

What Color Sharpie Are You? (25 different colors) Updated!
brought to you by Quizilla

fire in Maryland!

That's right! I met the wonderful Kate from MD! I managed to get a hold of her through a mailing list and got to meet her tonight. She used different tools for her fire performance. It made me want to research on the toys to use for spinning fire. There was an event that had Eastern European potluck dinner, a few shows and music.

I had to leave early because Neal got too friggin' cold from the weather. Looks like Phoenix fits him better than Baltimore! ;) Thanks to Neal, I was able to touch base with MD's burners in case I move there from Phoenix.

Enjoy some pics of Kate spinning fire!

Here I come, Baltimore!

I'll be visiting Neal and his 2 daughters in Baltimore, MD. I can't wait to get to know the area better! Thank God that I left Az for a few days! It was pretty bad there, one crap happening after another. Anyway, in Baltimore, the plan is gonna be:

Saturday - we are going to some kind of art festival with potluck. Fire performers will be there! I hope Neal has a camera so we could take pics. I got into touch with a fellow burner named Kate. She runs the mailing list and event coordinating for the Baltimore fire performers. I'm excited that I'll meet her tomorrow night! And, I wish Frogotopia is with me to go to that event. But there's always the Burning Man this year! :)

Sunday - Neal, his daughters (if they are going) and I are going to see an open captioned film in Silver Springs, MD. Ridor, your ass better be there 1 pm sharp! :-P After the movie, Neal, maybe his girls, and I are having dinner with Larry and Kt! I can't wait to see them again.

Monday - Good question. I am not sure what I am doing that day since it is a holiday.

Whoops! I'm currently on the airplane, I think I see Baltimore, so I better close this post for tonight. Will keep ya posted! ;)

convert .fpx, .bmp, .tiff into .jpg

I downloaded a fast, small, easy image converter. Get it here and change your downloaded photos or scanned images to .jpg format!

Douglas Retzler Arts and Effects

This Saturday, Douglas Retzler Arts and Effects has a potluck and fire show in Maryland.

I am SOOO there!

new favorite soda

It's the "Manzanita Sol" bottled by Pepsi. It's an apple soda. For some reason, I am starting to be addicted to it.

Mmmm, apple!

missy n

This is the fabulous Natasha!

I've been trying to encourage her to smile more often in the pics she has been taking of herself. Her smiles makes her look more amazing! So, she finally took a pic and emailed it to me last night. And I replied with, "Now, that's what I'm talking about, babe!" :D

In a little over a month, I cannot wait to see her! She'll be coming to visit Phoenix which is warmer than her home in Salt Lake City. She'll be staying at my place for several days.

Now, with a little over a month left, I gotta get her some hot rednecks to keep her busy! ;)

Hubba-hubba!

all about me, both sides of the coin

Hey, family and friends!

I need to ask you for your help and a little bit of your time. I've learned a little more about the Johari Window in my communications classes. There is a website that takes in the selected personality traits, figures out the stats and puts them into a Johari/Nohari window.

Please feel free to do both windows!

Let's do the negative one first. What are the 5 or 6 traits bad about me? Use the Nohari Window. Be 110% honest! I can take it like a man. ;)

And, also, please do the postive one on the Johari Window. Select 5 or 6 good things about me.

If you don't know what some of the words mean, please feel free to use the online dictionary. It is important to get accurate results! I would like to learn more about myself.

Thanks!

_\,,/ Philip

P.S. Please use your handle name for your protection.

lend a helping hand..

..at the 2007 Winter Deaflympics! Make sure you register and be a volunteer! February 27th is the deadline!

Apply HERE!

a diamond shouldn't be your best friend

I was appalled, shocked and disgusted when I stumbled upon this article. I'll list some key points below and you can check the article for further explanation. If someone brag about getting a diamond ring, I'll say it is totally UNCOOL. As VeeKoz puts it, "Think thrice before buying a diamond!"

ten reasons why you should never accept a diamond ring from anyone, under any circumstances, even if they really want to give you one By Liz Stanton, CPE Staff Economist

1. You've Been Psychologically Conditioned To Want a Diamond
2. Diamonds are Priced Well Above Their Value
3. Diamonds Have No Resale or Investment Value
4. Diamond Miners are Disproportionately Exposed to HIV/AIDS
5. Open-Pit Diamond Mines Pose Environmental Threats
6. Diamond Mine-Owners Violate Indigenous People's Rights
7. Slave Laborers Cut and Polish Diamonds
8. Conflict Diamonds Fund Civil Wars in Africa
9. Diamond Wars are Fought Using Child Warriors
10. Small Arms Trade is Intimately Related to Diamond Smuggling

a link..

For Vee.

ananda khalsa - Custom Jewelry

1406th pic

Because that my Sidekick2 was resurrected, its photo count was reset to 0. The last photo I took was the 1406th one since January 2005!

You bet! I do have trigger-happy fingers!

a heartfelt note

Just in case my interpreters at my college didn't see this:

It says:

"To all my interpreters, you're SO fabulous!

<3 Philip"

... P A H!!!

Finally! I got my Sidekick2 to work today!!!

When it comes to customer service on the phone or at the store, I noticed store employees tend to be more courteous and quick to remedy a problem with phones and activation issues.

Anyway, I got a lot of catching up to do! This is gonna be a busy week and weekend!

my tag cloud

whipup.net

"good advice for the fellow crafty blogger!"

whipup.net http://whipup.net/2006/02/08/craftblog-advice/

Spraygraphic Apparel - thought provoking style

"This is great!"

Spraygraphic Apparel - thought provoking style http://www.spraygraphic.com/

question.

Are you a fakey ho?

favorite firefox theme

My favorite Firefox theme is miniFoxFlat with Ambience extension.

Sometimes the colors get a little weird and you won't be able to read the words on the toolbars. I think they have a work-around on the extension page.